My personal blogosphere has kind of disintegrated lately. (author's note: did it ever really exist??) Too much real life stuff going on and not enough time to write about it. I'm trying to keep up with the car driving and just that is borderline impossible.

But I won't give up. I think. I'll try not to. How's that for commitment? :)

It's like I don't know what I'm supposed to do, but I know that what I'm doing now isn't it.

I feel like I would be pretty darn funny getting into these philosophical rants while drunk or something. Maybe what I'm supposed to do is be drunk.

No, that's not a good thing. At least not all of the time.

So I just want to do too many things. And according to the milk that isn't a bad thing. But I feel like spending about half of my waking hours at work is killing that dream. I think it's really important to not hate your job, because there are few things more soul-killing than spending so many hours at something that feels like a waste of time. I'm actually relatively healthy at the moment which is extremely rare for me, and I know that as one gets older health tends to decline, and I hate that I'm wasting hours and hours here when I could be doing something that is more fulfilling, while I still can.

I want to write down what would make me really happy, but it always feels silly. And I'm really good at that loop of:

Step 1: idea
Step 2: ??
Step 3: Profit!

Where that gap between step 1 and 3 might as well be the time it would take a manned space mission to get to Pluto and establish a colony.

I also really suck at even doing anything to work towards step 3. I consistently fail at being consistent (seriously, lack of consistency is the only constant in my life) so I just want to give up. I've always felt like if I found the right idea I would work harder for it, but it just doesn't work like that. I'm about 99% sure I have the right idea somewhere in my head but it's stuck there, in my head. With lots of squishy gooey brain cells that are not at all stimulated at this job.

For example, this blog was supposed to document my quest to be as awesome as batman. And I guess if you consider disappearing for months (years) and inner turmoil batman-like then I'm doing great. (I could totally lie and say I was off in the mountains learning how to kick some butt or something, but unless you count a week wandering around the desert this would be false)

Well that's all for today folks. I really wish I had some tagline. That would be way more exciting than my usual anti-climactic endings. Something like "And remember, always watch out for octopods."
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Sorry about that hiatus there. It was meant to be a few weeks, and turned into a few months. Oh, you don't really care why? Too bad, I'm going to tell you anyway.

I developed a theory a few years ago that goes something like this: "Just pretend you can never stop and do your best to hold on." This was originally in the context of powerkiting since I would use the brake lines constantly, which is good for making the kite do exactly what you want, but it's not so good for having fun and keeping your arm muscles happy. So I decided one day to just forget that I have brake lines and just fly the kite. Hey, it got fun again. And of course then one day I'm out flying when it's gusty and I end up airborne with a banged up knee, but that's going to happen once in awhile.

This also works wonderfully with skiing, and one can argue that it's even necessary. It's almost impossible to turn on skis unless you have speed, which requires getting over that fear of pointing your feet straight down the hill. But once you realize that speed helps you turn, you understand that speed is what keeps you in control. Crazy isn't it?

So what does this have to do with life, the universe, and this blog?

In everything, well, except for powerkiting and skiing, I try to keep the brakes on all the time. I guess some people call that having control issues? It's great for (feeling like you) have control, until you realize that life is going to do whatever the hell it wants anyway. It's a much more feasible strategy to learn how to just go with whatever happens and make small adjustments here and there so you can navigate better.

I also realized that if I want to accomplish anything in this tumultuous thing known as life, I need some sort of goal. I wrote out some vague plans a few months ago about what I wanted to do, but it's hard to accomplish vague things since I have no real way to measure what I've done or still need to do.

So with that being said, I'm going to clearly outline what I want to do so I can start moving towards it. And write about it, even though it won't be perfect. And drink lots and lots of tea, just because I think a tasty beverage is important when trying to awesomify my life.
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In case you haven't noticed (and who am I kidding, you haven't, there's nothing exciting here yet), OneBigCrazy.com has been temporarily out of order while I make some improvements. I have noticed some flaws in my plan to be the next Batman and I am trying to come up with a new and improved plan. And it's hard. But don't worry, we'll be back with actual content soon. Stay tuned.
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